but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
