Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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