He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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