ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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