just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
