i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
