areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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