Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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