bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
