i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
