I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
