The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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