I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
