you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
