are you so shy because you have an std?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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