I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
