it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
