she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
