if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
