remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
