Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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