idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize