to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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