It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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