a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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