dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
