it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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