I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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