roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
