dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
