just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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