My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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