He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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