When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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