my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
