Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
