a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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