Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
