i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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