90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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