I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
