did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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