Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
