The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
