yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
