never play flip cup with pint glasses
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
