I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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