so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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