Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've blown a few things in my day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize