i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
