i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
