It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
