On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
