White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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