I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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