Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
