You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
