So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
