ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize