There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
