Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
