Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
