you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
