You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
