She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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