I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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