how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
