Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
