Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
