my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
