fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
