My balls are so social today.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
