Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
