if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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