Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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