If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
