Sry I called you an 8
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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