really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
